Lovetalk: All the Single Ladies

So I wrote about 3 thoughts I have been thinking about when it comes to relationships. Then, I wrote about the Torpedo Attack – one of my pet peeves when it comes to how a lot of men treat women. Now, I’ll address the ladies with another one of my pet peeves. I call it the “User Friendly.” Here’s the scenario:

Dude likes Gal, Dude pursues Gal and shows Gal that he is serious about her, He tells Gal how he feels, and backs it up with actions – lots of actions. He buys her gifts, takes her home from the office, dates her, brings her snacks during break times, and writes her poems. This Dude is serious, but for some reason, Gal just does not like him. There’s no spark, “kapow!”, “zing!”,no Boyce Avenue song playing in the background when she looks at Dude. What should Gal do? Obviously, she has to tell Dude that she’s not feeling it, that there’s no vibe, that they don’t flow, but is that all? No, that’s not enough. She should also back up her “words” with “actions”. What do I mean? Most of the time, Gal tells Dude she’s not interested, but she still goes on dates with him, still lets him take her out for coffee, still accepts little gifts and gestures of affection from Dude from time to time. And when people ask her why she does it, she says “It’s okay. We’re FRIENDS.”, but friends don’t give others false hope, right?

Gal, I’m sorry to say this but you’re not being a friend. You’re using your friendship and using his feelings to get chocolates, free meals, free coffee, and most of all, free EGO BOOST. You love how he makes you FEEL about yourself, but you don’t love HIM. That’s not being fair. Gal, you have to be FIRM and CLEAR. What do I mean? Well, you have to be CLEAR about how you feel about him. If you don’t like him, tell him that you don’t like him. Don’t say “I like you but I’m just not ready.” Don’t say “It’s not you, it’s me.” Don’t say “You’re a great guy, but I just need time to be single.” You may think that you’re doing him a favor, but you’re not. Really, you’re NOT. You’re giving him a standing offer to try again later, to wait for you until you become ready, to keep his feelings for you just in case you’re ready to “mingle”… and that’s just not fair. But after being CLEAR, you also have to be FIRM. That means no to dates, chocolates and flowers, and sweet text messages. No to exclusive time with him as he takes you home from church or office or group outings. No to lengthy text messages. Leave the Dude alone. Do the right thing and help him get over you, and in the process, you will also get over yourself.

When it comes to courtship, ladies, remember: Don’t use men to feed your ego or cover your insecurities. Instead, be genuine and selfless and honest. Be Firm. Be Clear. Be secure.

PS: You know where I see most Gals succeed at being very Clear, but fail horribly at being Firm? Christian Gals with unchristian Dudes. Christian girls are so good at telling unchristian guys “Sorry dude. If you’re not a christian, I’m never gonna be interested.” But they usually say this to the guy over coffee at 1am, after the “Last Full Show” they watched in the mall, and the reason why they caught the last full show was because they wanted to take their time having dinner first, all the while talking about sweet nothings.