How I Survived The End of a Long-Term Relationship

Breaking-up is always a tough thing to deal with and even more so if the relationship in question was a long-term one. There is a lot of angst, anguish and confusion involved because plans that were once looked forward to have crumbled to dust and expectations forever abandoned. It is more than a loss of love – it is the loss of a best friend and perhaps the better part of you. But it is not the end, and it rarely ever is because life will and must go on. Here is how I survived.

It is okay to grief because it is through grief that you’ll get to really understand your feelings and pinpoint the source of your sadness – what you’ve lost and what you’ll never achieve. Keep this understanding handy as a basis for your healing and also as requisite for future relationships. Keeping it all bottled up will result in agitation and in extreme cases, self-destructive behaviour. It also a good idea to not let grief take over your life – it might hinder you from functioning day to day and keep people away from you.

Change your surroundings but keep the past within reach. Stash – not dispose – away anything that might serve as a reminder of your past relationship. Get hold a box and put all those photos and gifts into it and stash it away deep in your closet. Do not dispose of it because those are cherished memories that you will come to look back on and smile.

Avoid having nothing to do because the idle mind is the devil’s workshop and your mind will only start to stray and think about the past – and this includes all the negative things.

Now is the time to do the things you’ve enjoyed but never got to indulge in because he or she expressly forbade you to or simply because time was not a luxury you could afford then. Be it video games, sports, or travelling, start taking a renewed interest in the things you love and pursue those interests again. Think of this as a benefit of not being together. It’s time to do what you’ve always wanted to do.

Avoid being alone because there’s nothing more therapeutic than pouring your heart out. A calming influence and listening ear might help ease the burden that is weighing your heart down. Listen to and heed their advice, and remember that you are not the only one who has gone through this.

Keep yourself sober even though mind-altering substances might prove a quick escape, addiction might take hold. What might at first seem a very accessible way of numbing the pain might eventually prove expensive and detrimental to your general well-being. It also only solves problems in the short-run and you’d eventually require something more to fully get over your relationship.

Accept that you’re better off because there is a reason why it is not working out and breaking it off not means not wasting each other’s time and the opportunity to move on to better things. The longer you’re both together, the more invested both of you get. That is time better spent going through this processes of break up, healing and finding new connections. We’re all not getting any younger.

Once it is all over, it is time to make amends if it’s not a messy break-up. There is a reason why you’ve stayed together for so long and it would be a waste to just throw all that away. The love might not be there anymore but friendship is an equally good alternative.

I am now very close friends with my ex, this is despite most people’s scepticism that such a thing is impossible and a good idea. My social life is healthy and I have never been happier. Life does go on and most times, you’re better off.