True Friends Are Hard to _____

They say that true friends are hard to find these days. Personally, I think that ‘true friends’ are hard to DEFINE these days.

What is a ‘true friend’? If you asked a thousand different people, you will probably have about a thousand different answers and definitions to that question.

This morning I had a wonderful breakfast with some wonderful people who I would call true friends. But how do I define ‘true friends’? Well, let me describe my “true friends” rather than defining what “true friends” are.

These friends of mine tell me directly when I’ve done something wrong or when I’ve crossed the line on something very important. They will say it lovingly and gently, but they will also be very accurate and very firm. A very wise man once said ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.’ (It was, after all, a kiss from Judas that condemned Jesus) Some people believe that if you’re a true friend to them, then you must agree with them on everything. Some even take it further by believing that if you disagree with them, then you are not loyal to them. The moment you disagree with them, they will make you choose between your friendship or your own personal convictions and beliefs, but that’s not real unconditional love because these people will only love you if you agree with them. It’s  also destructive because at the bottom of it all, it’s a ‘control issue’ and there’s nothing worse than a controlling friend who thinks that he has been betrayed. There’s an old proverb that describes these kinds of ‘friends’: “There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a  real friend sticks closer than a brother.”? (How many of you have siblings who you disagree with? Despite that fact, they will always be your siblings.)

Fortunately, my true friends are the exact opposite. Even if these friends of mine and I don’t necessarily agree on everything, we still accept each other and respectfully ‘agree to disagree.’ We are very supportive of each other when we truly believe that we’re on the right course of action, and we love each other enough to warn one another if there’s a proverbial  ‘iceberg’ that we will run into if we don’t change our course.

My true friends also challenge me to become a better man. Nobody is perfect, everyone knows it, but only very few people point out their friends imperfections. I’m thankful to my true friends whenever they point out to me the areas in my life where I can grow, mature, change, and become more godly. They follow the old saying that goes ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.’

Another trait I appreciate is trustworthiness.My true friends are worthy of trust. These are men you can rely on to keep your deepest struggles confidential. They don’t gossip, and they don’t smile at me when I’m around and then slander me when I turn around. When I offend them, they tell me. And when they offend me, I’m free to tell them. Since nobody is perfect, we will fail our friends and our friends will fail us. It’s only a matter of time, but you will know who your true friends are when there are still there for you, ready to forgive you, when you fail them.

There’s still so much more about true friends that I can write about. Rather, there’s still so much I haven’t said about my true friends, but I have noticed that in Pinoy culture, these are the top three traits that are severely lacking in the friends that people keep.

Far too often, I hear very strange advice given to the people who are hurting the most. Just sit in a coffee shop and listen to people’s conversations, and you’ll hear people tell their friends to “get back at her by cheating on her too” or to “post all of his dirt on facebook so that nobody will respect him ever again” or to “grab the opportunity and sleep with her (office mate) because what your wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her and that’s how the modern world thinks anyway”

How about you? What kind of friends do you keep? Can you trust them with your most shameful struggles? Can you sleep with peace knowing that these are friends who won’t “stab you in the back?” Do your friends encourage you and challenge you to grow, become better, and  mature? Do they warn you to stay away from immoral decisions that will destroy your future?

The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray. -King Solomon

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”  – Paul the apostle