The Persistence of the Memory of the “First Love”: A Brief Phenomenological Reflection

“First love never dies”: so goes the popular song of the eighties… The memory of our “first love” will never be erased in the archives of our mind and in the fond remembrance of our heart. The nostalgia of our very first love cuts so deep to the point of being able to reach the innermost core of our very own existence because “first love” is the truest of all loves! The experience of our first love is so pure and so sincere since it simply flowed-out from the very longing to embrace our beloved without us ever demanding from her and without us ever imposing our expectations on her.

The memory of our first love is often bittersweet because such a memory lingers and haunts us for as long as we still have breath. The pains and joys that accompany our experiences of the first love leave an indelible mark and a lasting imprint in the innermost recesses of our soul. “Why is this so?”, we may ask. This is because our first love effectively opened our heart’s door, for the very first time, to this most enchanting and this most beautiful of all human experiences: falling in love with our significant “other” instead of falling in love with our petty selves.

When we cease looking at our own turbid reflection in that illusory pool of narcissism, then and only then, will we be able to realize that the “other” is truly interesting, enchanting, charming, valuable and precious in the estimation of our heart. In short, our experience of our first love is an effectual paradigm shift of perspectives and priorities—it is the very first decisive act of moving away from our own vain preoccupation with our puny selves, and the fresh-start of the life-enriching journey of discovering the beauty of the “other” in the midst of this enchanting world of Be-ing. The experience of the first love is truly ecstatic and exhilarating because Existence is beautiful; and that I exist along with the “other” whom I love; and I eventually see the worth of others as also “having worth” like that of myself.

The experience of the first love is life-changing because it is a window that opened-up for the first time, to an altruistic world where I exist alongside others and that I see myself as a person in need of deep empathy, genuine solidarity and profound companionship with the “other” who also needs me; hence, in this wonderful exchange of gifts, in this sympathetic exchange of selves, who can go wrong? In true love no one can go wrong…

The experience of the “first love” revealed my inward vulnerability so that it made me realize that to exist is to exist with the “other”, alongside the “other”, and in relation with the “other”—in the language of Gabriel Marcel’s phenomenology; “Esse est co-esse”; i.e., to truly exist is to exist with the other. By remembering and reminiscing the memory of our first love, we soften our heart when it is nearing its dangerous condition of spiritual arteriosclerosis. Therefore, do not be afraid of remembering your first love for that was the time when you were at your truest and your most authentic self! Yes, “First love never dies”, for it continuously transforms yourself and your heart into a drop in that Ocean of Love—God Himself/Herself Whose Being is nothing but Immeasurable Divine Love!