The Book

I felt a hot flush creep through my cheeks. It gradually spread until it reached my ears. My whole face felt hot. It slowly went down to my neck. I felt small drops of liquid form at the corners of my eyes.

Yes, I was teary-eyed while reading the book “Apolakus,” a Filipino book for kids published by Adarna House. I was one of the Convergys Trainers tapped to join a storytelling workshop and then return to the office to train other employee volunteers. Storytelling is now part of Convergys’ Give A Bag of Hope Year 2 program where, using our employees’ talents, we can influence children to develop a love for reading. It is an expansion to the Give A Bag of Hope program launched last year, as a way for employees like me to help public school children continue studying by addressing a major cause of school dropout: the lack of school supplies. This year, we are adding books to the bags with school supplies, and telling stories to the kids when we visit our partner schools.

The book “Apolakus” talks about “Dadoy”, a kid being bullied in school because he’s thin. Older boys would call him “Payatot.” He pretends to be a magician to escape his reality.

I was a Dadoy in high school. I would sit at the far end of our classroom pretending to be invisible – hoping that no one would notice me. I was so scared because I was different. I grew up in Manila but had to move to Cebu. I tried so hard to fit in by learning the dialect but they made fun of my accent, mocked and laughed at me. I felt humiliated. I felt like an outcast.

I shut myself to the world. I would freeze whenever I saw the shadows of schoolmates coming my way. I would duck my head and close my eyes hoping that I would dissolve into thin air. I lost confidence. I ate to console myself, which only made the bullying worse because I gained a lot of weight. I was transformed from a cheerful girl to someone whom my mom could barely recognize.

My mom talked to me one day. Together, we spoke with my teacher. Slowly, the shadows disappeared and dark clouds ceased to follow me.

Fast forward to the present, where staring at the picture of Dadoy in the book during the storytelling workshop brought me back that feeling of helplessness. I never imagined that a book could bring me back to my painful past I thought I had long forgotten. I thought my magician self sealed it with enchantment so that no one would ever know. But little did I realize, that episode in my life didn’t leave just a scar but a wound still fresh.

Once again, I faced my bullies – this time bullies of self-doubt. I thought to myself, I am a trainer. I inspire my trainees so that they can succeed. This is not a time to act cowardly over my bullies. This is a time to reveal what I am truly capable of.

I held the book as I read it in front of the participants in the workshop. I did not flinch. I did not stutter. I glided and swiftly worked my way as I flipped through each page of the book. I did it! I felt that I won over my bullies.

Now, I’m ready to bid goodbye to the pain of the past with positivity and confidence. My personal childhood experience may have left a scar but I will use it to bring the book to life each time I will read it to schoolchildren. I am grateful that through Convergys’ Give a Bag of Hope and its storytelling program, I have a chance to inspire them not just about reading but about life values – that with perseverance, they can do anything, that there is always help, that no matter how difficult life can be, there is always HOPE. (By: Ma. Emilie M. Villanueva – Convergys Trainer (Bacolod))