Seduction Skills Simplified

We do not need a Ph.D. in Seduction Studies or an apprenticeship at Robert Greene’s training center to prove successful in a fundamental yet underrated human activity — seduction.

It will also be very presumptuous on my part to introduce myself as an expert seducer or a sex guru to obtain authority to train you effectively on this particular competency. However, there are few techniques that I want to share which I learned over time – vicariously or experientially – that will not only help us foster romantic relationships but also strengthen our relationships with the general public.

Here’s a caveat, however, that not all people can be the seducer. Sometimes, people just have to be glad that they are the ones being seduced. When you have decided to be the former than the latter, then understand that the first lesson you should learn is to choose wisely the victims of your seduction. Not all people can be subjected to seduction, especially those who have read this!

Linguists and communication experts agree that in face-to-face interactions, it is the non-verbal aspect that really matters. Forget Bee Gees when they proclaimed “Words are all I have to take your heart away.” Indubitably, the art of seduction by the use of body language is more effective than the verbal approach of saying the words or texting the message. Personally, it is actually safer because if I would be turned down, at least I could just deny that I did not do anything.

First, let’s go to the most basic. Flash a smile. Just like the laugh, the smile is a major component of facial expression that cuts across cultures and continents in terms of desirability. In the evolutionary perspective, the smile is seen as a bequest we received from our primate cousins. Humans need to get more oxygen, so they open their mouths and even glare their nostrils. Believe it or not, there’s only 1% difference between the DNA set of the homo sapiens and that of his chimpanzee brother.

Ever noticed that gorilla in National Geographic Channel displaying his entire set of teeth to assert his territory or to declare his attractiveness to the opposite sex? Have you detected that Commercial models and airline stewards and stewardesses have the ability to show at least 8 teeth when they smile on duty? Yes, they are required to do this!

Second, train your eyes. The windows to the soul are very powerful, and are the most enigmatic parts of our body. It is the façade of all emotions, of which even the criminal investigators and lie detectors acknowledge to be the most difficult to decipher – that’s why they undergo series of trainings to verify the eye movements and expressions.

Maintain an eye to eye contact with your audience – this is a primary imperative in public speaking. If we could give this to a crowd of more than 10 or 100, why could we not give it to the one person who’s the apple of our eye? If we want to persuade our listeners by looking at them one by one, I think we should also learn how to look at that person who interests us.

Research has shown that when we are interested to an object, an idea or a person, the pupil of our eyes dilates. Creators of cartoon characters know this very well. Imagine those love scenes in our favorite Disney and Looney Tunes films. Now, because pupil dilation is a reflex reaction, we cannot control it. What we can control is the intensity of our gaze, the period of time we hold that gaze and the movements of our eyelashes and eyebrows.

So, grab that mirror now and give it a try. Do these: Look at your eyes, widen your eyeballs, raise your eyebrows and wink like Marilyn Monroe. Hey, look at you sexy creatures from Planet Playboy! Guys, you are not exempt from this one!

Third, be open. Openness is not just a declaration, it should be demonstrated. How? Through your gestures and posture. Gesture involves the hand, arm, legs and head. Posture focuses on how we stand and sit. Technically, openness is about how we position ourselves. Think about everything in us open. This is true in seduction, of course. So when we approach a person, we should make sure that our stance is always open — open legs and open arms. Remember that crossed arms, hands and legs are a sure way to indicate being closed (close-minded, close-hearted, etc.). We should shatter this barrier when we want to seduce. Can you imagine a sexy star trying to unbutton her clothes to expose her glitzy décolletage? Imagine that hunk in the magazine trying to remove his shirt to display his manly material goods? Are these not clear manifestations of openness?

Of course, we cannot do it all the time or we could not do it at all because we are not very proud or confident of what we can offer. So we will just settle on the hands, arms and legs. Let’s go back to our pre-school exercises of opening our hands, arms and legs.

Can we do it every time we can see a potential victim, I mean, partner? Certainly!

Here’s another caution: Seduction is a double-edged sword. It can be both negative and positive. We can use it to confuse, corrupt or conspire. But we could also use this art for making people feel good about themselves and reduce their worries. We just have to be very careful about our intentions.

To reinforce these simple techniques in the art of seduction, here’s a tip: Never let the other person know that you are good at reading body language, because if you do, they will instantly tighten up and will not easily give their trust. They might even be intimidated, so keep this knowledge a secret to maximize its advantage.

One last tip, people are always attracted to the confident ones.

Regardless of our beauty, money, education or authority, let’s try to always appear confident. We should think about how great we are as a person and what we can offer our potential partner. Think John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever!

Was it not Buddha himself who said that “only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”? That is pretty clear for all of us, Buddhist or not.

To be sure, life is a constant seduction. For you, I leave its interpretation.