Opinions
An Alternate Christian Perspective on Desiring a Spouse
Very many Christians today believe that we must be completely satisfied in God alone before we are to desire a spouse. They believe that the only time we are ready to be married is when we can say that we are content with being single. This train of thought and kind of thinking has been passed from church to church, believer to believer, and taken as if it were “gospel truth”… but is it really biblical?
Let me offer an alternate perspective.
Genesis 2 says that it was GOD who said “it’s not good for man to be alone.” He said it BEFORE the Fall. BEFORE sin entered the world. Think of that for a moment.
God knows our desires because He’s the one who gave us these desires.. so when we are trying to be content with God all alone and completely before recognizing our desires for a relationship, it’s futile. We are trying to fight against desires that God Himself placed in our hearts. It’s like saying “I’m so hungry because I have not eaten in days, but I will not eat until I am completely satisfied with God alone. The only time I can truly be ready to eat is when I am content with not eating at all.” The person missed the whole point. And then, people say that it’s fasting. It’s not fasting; it’s foolishness because God created us to need food! I do believe in fasting, but I have a very different definition of fasting. For one thing, fasting is TEMPORARY. If we keep it up, we’ll die of starvation.
It is the same with God and relationships. No place in Scripture will we find that God wants us to “BE SATISFIED ON GOD ALONE BEFORE DESIRING A SPOUSE.” There is a time for worship, Scripture, fellowship, and prayer. We do these consistently. But when it comes to desiring a spouse, don’t fight it. Rather, embrace the desires as they come from God, thank Him, glorify Him, honor Him, and pursue Him as you recognize these desires. And as you live out your life to fulfill these desires, be grateful to Him and consistently praise Him for giving us such wonderful emotions, longings, and pleasures.
It’s sad that one reason why so many single Christians these days are so afraid of relationships is simply because they are trying so hard to fight and suppress the very desires that God Himself wants them to have. To desire for a spouse is such a godly desire, and so often misunderstood and misconstrued as either idolatrous or distracting or ungodly.
If I had a daughter, and she has a man in her life who loves God and loves her, and is a very godly man, and if they love each other very dearly and desire to marry each other, the last thing I would say to her is “Sweetie, unless I see that you are COMPLETELY satisfied in me, I will never allow you to marry.” That is just plainly wrong. Rather, I would be so full of joy to know that they want to get married! I will be excited and happy for them, and I will rejoice and delight in the event and even support their decision! As her father, I would even go as far as work on my business harder to make sure that I could give my daughter and her fiancee the wedding that she has always dreamed of!
When I have kids, I doubt I’m ever going to say “Kids, you’re hungry? Wanna have lunch? Nope! You can’t eat a single bread crumb until I know that you kids are completely satisfied in ME first, and ME alone.” If I did that, I would be a very wicked and insecure father, wouldn’t I? Well, that is how we look at God when we think and speak of Him that way. Wouldn’t it be so much more beautiful and wonderful if the children see that their dad is secure and that He is such a gracious provider? They would be able to keep coming to their dad, trusting in him and being grateful to him for always providing for them. In the same way, the God I know from scripture actually DELIGHTS when His children desire marriage. Genesis 2 is proof of that. God delights in celebrating with His children because HE is the AUTHOR of their love stories! And marriage is the PRIMARY example or analogy that God uses to make us understand the relationship of the Trinity and the relationship of Christ and the Church. Lordship after all is not about God being the only desire. Lordship is about God being our first desire.
Psalm 37:4 says “Delight in the Lord your God, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Delight in the Lord your God. That is indeed such a beautiful verse! The psalms speak of praises and shout great songs of praise to God because He is FAITHFUL. Faithfulness is a direct implication that we have desires that God fulfills! And this is something that we are to worship and praise Him for.
So if you are Christian, single and is frustrated because you are not content in God alone, don’t fret. Rather, thank Him for your desires and seek His heart and His ways as you live out your life to fulfill those desires!
